So I was driving home from yet another potential therapy evaluation for Raury and I was once again reminded that I cannot do this alone. For every new therapy or treatment there are several more people added to out support team. Okay, a little back story. For those of you who don't know 2 of our boys have some special needs, and not unlike many families, we are learning how to deal as we go. For the past several years I think I have just been processing the whole notion of special needs. Now I have turned a corner. I very important corner. I think it has the potential to be the biggest, most daunting corner my life could ever take.
For the longest time I have been so caught up in the pain and loss of the term special needs kids that I haven't been able to look past it. At each appointment, evaluation or conference I felt like I was being reminded of the things I have done wrong in my life and how I have inflicted that upon my boys. How selfish of me. How idiotic of me to think that this is all about me. What have I been thinking? Not quite sure of it all yet, but I know I want to turn it into something positive.
That brings me to the NEW direction...
I am so tired of feeling like a failure and letting others actions feed into that. I am so ready to turn this "frown upside down". There has to be some way. The problem is, I haven't thought of it yet. I know I need to help provide financially for our family. My sweet, dear loving and stressed out husband needs me to help with making us float financially. The boys need a full time mom who can devote her life to the family. In this floundering country and downward cycling society there must be a way to turn my "mommy skills", the knowledge I have gained from dealing with kids like mine...kids with SPD and ADHD and turn it into a help for our society, help for our family and a emotional boost for myself.
I just turned away from this blog to reflect (and handle a Lego crisis) and I ran across a old friends note about her sweet little girl Abbie who passed into heaven just a few short months after she was born. Her birthday is coming up tomorrow and she would be 10...10...Oh my word...
There is no comparing each loss, each triumph, and struggle. There is no possible way to somehow make a math equation to make it fair or reasonable to understand. We just have to go with it. So in an effort to " go with it" I am praying, reading and searching for the answer for our family. I deeply want to find a way to be at home for our boys and support their schooling, their growth and well being. I desperately desire to share my struggles, triumphs and knowledge with other families that need support with raising healthy happy kids. I honestly do not know what that looks like. I don't have advanced degrees in medicine, psychology or Occupational therapy. I don't even have my bachelors degree. What I do have is a great capacity for learning, growing, and managing a family of boys. I have gained years of on the job training. I have learned many things about ADHD and Processing disorders. I am still learning. I want to turn that into something that could change the world...what that is I don't know. I just don't know. I do know that I want to do something and I am searching and seeking God's heart in that desire!
To be Continued....
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