My mom just went back to the land of warm weather the other day after having a nice long visit here with our family. Every time she leaves my boys get a little sad and anxious for her leaving and long for the time when she will be returning. All the talk of "Grandma and Grandpa" moving around the country gave me pause...as some may know my sweet Grandmother died in November of 2010. I think as my boys have been growing and birthdays pass for me I think have been preparing myself for the enevitable passing of Grandma and Grandpa. As I have gotten older they seem to age exponentially every time I visit. I think I was preparing myself for what the future would bring. Obviously, it is inevitable passing on of our bodies when we die, but the soul never dies. But I really didn't take that into account when preparing for their passing... the soul never dies. Sure, I cried...a lot for a day or two, but then, I began to remember...
I was the first grandchild for nearly 6 years. No one else but me. My mom's parents lived close and my mom was so young when I was born that I spent a lot of time growing up in my grandparents house. Don't get me wrong, I was home with my parents, but once I was old enough to fend for myself, I was there A LOT! I wanted to be there. It wasn't chaotic or angry there. I felt safe and at peace in the house my mom grew up in. My mom's youngest sister was just 6 years older than me and that was like having a big sister all to myself. Robyn was good to me. Not like a sister, but like an aunt...really, like a friend.
That house would bustle with energy all the time. Grama was busy from morning to night with everything. I have fond memories of shopping with her when she would still drive the Torino. We would go up and down each isle getting all the things she needed, looking at the prices, finding the right things. She had a long list and I would help her. I felt useful and needed when I was with her. She taught me so much about being in the kitchen. I would watch her cook or bake and I fell in love with the kitchen. It was the center of the Light family universe. Everything happened in the kitchen. Great Grandma Mac and Great Grandma Fern would play cards at the table in the kitchen, the food for gatherings would be there in the kitchen dining room, everyone wanted to be in the kitchen chatting. It was the biggest room in the house...or it felt like it. I can remember every little detail about the house to this day. They moved from there in 1980 to Pendleton Oregon, but that house in Normandy Park is etched in my brain. I can walk there in my mind. I dream of going back to that house all the time.
The yard was beautiful out back. Peaceful, green and lush with hydrangeas and ivy and a huge tree right in the center. My grandpa put up a swing in that tree for me. Oh my word how I loved to escape out into the back yard and be alone and safe. My own secret garden of sorts. There was a Mother's cottage out back connected to the garage that my great Grandma Fern lived in for a time before returning to Wyoming. The Gregory Heights swim pool was behind the house and I could hear the kids having fun in the pool all summer long...I wanted to be there having fun with them.
The garage was my grandpa's laboratory. He would spend hours out there working on cars and building stuff. I can still smell the motor oil and gas to this day. There was a small walkway from the back door of the house out into a gravel area where there might be a car or two, the dogs, Stinger and Fredrick and of course Poo. I would sit on the stoop out back with my grandpa and feed the dogs peanuts and crackers at happy hour.
You'd walk in the back door and the laundry was to the left a tiny bathroom to the right and a short hallway. At the hallway end was a room on the left, which I often slept in, and when you turn right, there was the kitchen. After happy hour with the dogs we would walk in and the smells of dinner would be filling the house. Wonderful smells...pot roast with carrots and potatoes, salad and bread, one of my personal favorites. When it was just a small crowd we would eat at the kitchen table. It sat under a large window that looked out to the street. I loved that house. I wish I could raise my family in that house. It was perfect for our family then and it would be now. I drive by it in my mind now a lot. With my grandpa still alive at 92, missing my grandma so, I think about all the years there a lot. I loved to sit on his lap while he was watching football. I think that is one of the reasons why I love sports so much. I loved that when I would come rushing in the front door and he was home in his chair he would gently grab me by my braids and pull me to him and tell me he loved me and sit me on his lap. He was a big man, a strong man almost larger than life to me sometimes. He was a hunter, a fisherman and an pilot for United Airlines. He flew in the Army during WWII and I still love to hear stories about his times during the war. He tells a great story. Never once was I afraid of him. I had and still have enormous amounts of respect for my grandparents. They always respected me, why should I not return that respect. They made it so easy.
I am a little afraid to see him now...I am afraid I would be too sad. Missing grandma I know had been hurting him a lot. I cannot even imagine how much it hurts to be the one left behind. Everyday must seem endless...I hurt for him in that. I wish they could still be together. I wish they could have gone to Heaven together. Gram is up there waiting for him...beautiful and elegant, healthy and full of life. No more crippled fingers from arthritis and no more cancers and walking troubles. I wish my grandpa peace and rest. He has lived such a long life, 92 beautiful full years. He has given SO much to everyone. Gram and grandpa gave whatever they could and then some...so generous and loving and kind. My mom and I have talked about this a lot. Why don't we feel so sad about Grandma going to heaven so quickly without being about to say goodbye first. Well, this is my answer to you mom...
Death is a reminder for those who are left behind of what was beautiful about a life well spent. While painful to say goodbye, Grandma and Grandpa's lives have been well spent...deeply invested in the importance of family. That is why we cannot cry too much about this. All those hours spent at the table playing cards, watching football games, shooting off Tennis ball cannons in the back yard, those times were the beauty of a life well spent. Both of there lives were well spent loving their family, caring for their neighbors and leaving lasting impressions on the future generations of our family. When Grandpa goes to heaven and meets Grandma at those Pearly Gates I pray God will bless me with a duck call. Weird I know...but as a girl, Grandpa would bring out his calls and blow them softly in my ear. I love that sound. To this day, whenever I hear a duck I think of him like it was yesterday... sitting on his lap with Grandma in the kitchen, smells of pot roast filling the house, and Lawrence Welk playing on the TV. Those moments and hours with family...that is a life well spent. The times I spent with them made me what I am today, I hope I make them proud.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Groundhog Day....again,,,Really?
Just when you think you have it all figured out and it is all moving smoothly...
Once again I am faced with the prospects of what brain damage does. My sweet 9 year old Raury has always struggled in school. He comes by it honestly. For those of you who don't know he was born in August of '01 and within 24 hours or so had a grade II inter ventricular brain hemorrhage. He basically had a bleed in the space between the two hemispheres in his brain. Please keep in mind that we were NEVER given a definitive reason for his trauma. It could have been a multitude of reasons, his low birth weight, his inter uterine growth restriction, my high blood pressure and gestational diabetes...the list can go on and on. We had plenty of intervention prior to his birth. He hardly moved in there. He was quiet as a mouse. He still is to this day. He had at least one seizure that we know of, could have been more, and then after much anticipation was treated for it, put on Phenobarbital for 6 months and we were told that he may have delays but no one knows for sure what to expect.
Well, once again we are faced with a challenge that I believe is directly related to that traumatic brain injury. There is no proof of this mind you, and many would argue that his birth injury is not the cause of these issues, but as a mom, I know different. That is what mom's do. We just know. So, needless to say we waited. We had him evaluated, tested and tested again...he went into early intervention/early childhood education. He bypassed preschool, he bypassed a lot of things his peers were doing. Fast forward to 2011...
Raury is in the 4th grade. In my opinion he shouldn't be classified as a 4th grader. He is too young and too far behind his peers to ever be able to catch up. Being born in August sucks for many reasons...it's cool being summer and all, but it sucks too. I should know, I was born in August. He beat the cut off. He is a VERY young 4th grader. In classification only. He does not do 4th grade level work. He has never done grade level work. Keep in mind that he works HARD at what he does, VERY HARD. He expects a lot of himself, but he is always chasing the elusive 4th grade achievement level. He has never had homework...NEVER! He has never had to read a book and write a book report, he has never had to do a spelling test, none of the things that typical class might do in 1-4th grade. He is in our school district special ed program. It is a wonderful program full of all sorts of kids with all sorts of needs, and sweet, shy unassuming Raury is the least of any teachers worries. These special ed teachers have so many different needs and learning styles in their classes I am not surprised that we are simply maintaining from one IEP to the next.
He has been in a self contained Academic learning center type situation within our school district. He had the same teacher from 1st-3rd grade. He loved her, we loved her. She retired this year. Enter new teacher...CRISIS...All of my sweet little man's fears reach the surface and he breaks down. Where he once loved school, now he HATES it. He doesn't like his teacher, she is too different and too loud. Mrs. B was a soft spoken, gentle spirit with the patience of a saint, the new teacher is too different. To shore up his anxiety we trot off to Occupational Therapy, implement Haberman brushing, Listening therapy and most recently the ever important VISION THERAPY with tons of positive reinforcement. It is all necessary...it got him back to school and gave him his smile back, for the most part. We put him on Zoloft for his immense anxiety. That has worked so far. Status quo...or so I thought...Enter Colleen...vision therapist and teacher...sometimes it takes an outsider to notice some things...
Raury doesn't know how to sound out words..."but he reads pretty well for a kid with his delays?" Oh, no I find out, he had excellent recall and a terrific memory. He sees the word and he remembers it. He can sort of sound out a word but not really. He can read, but not to his potential, where he could be reading. He doesn't really KNOW what he is reading because he isn't really reading, he is remembering words that happen to be on a page and he is putting them together to form sentences and paragraphs but he doesn't understand what he is reading. How horrible that must be for him. No context, no framework...it must be like being trapped with people all around you trying to explain the words and stories to you but they are not going into your brain and making sense. It is just a mass of letters, words and ideas but no basic foundation.
We are now going back to the beginning...thus groundhog day...We are starting from the beginning in reading. Phonics 101...soft vowel sounds. Back to the beginning...again...really? Okay, so here we go. He's game to work with me, I am ready to make it work...Oh yeah, I have 2 other boys who need me to help them too..STRESS... I NEED CHOCOLATE...
I need to clone myself, we need a tutor for these boys. We need a therapy gym in our garage...
I never thought in a million years when I was sitting there looking at that positive pregnancy test on December 21, 2000 that I would be here, right now, desperate to find answers, to find help, to find support...to find PEACE for my boys and myself. I struggle every minute with knowing how to deal with each issue, each struggle and each new emergent delay or deficit we find. I worry about where the money will come from when we implement a new therapy or require a new test. Like say...$4000.00 per child for a neuropsychology testing, for which insurance may or may not cover and we need 2 tests. I am faced with the hard decision of staying home for the boys, who need me here for many reasons, all the time, and working to pay for our ever increasing medical and occupational therapies. I need an advanced degree just to be their mom! It would be easy to turn this around on me, make it about me, but it isn't. It is about them, our sweet, loving boys, who deserve every right to meet their potential whatever that may be. The end isn't written yet, I know that, anything could happen, but if I don't expect anything, if I have no expectations of them or myself how can we ever expect to overcome the issues we face. The truth is we have to live with expectations. Now it is just figuring out what the right level of expectation for NOW, not years from now, but immediate, attainable expectations.
Raury isn't the only one of our boys that struggles...Gable has his own set of groundhog day moments. He had developmental struggles and learning issues and I am exausted thinking about those too. It is all too much tonight.
Cat, Rats, dishes in the sink, laundry to fold, shopping lists and schedules to make...it is a daunting task each and every second...the hardest job I have EVER done in my WHOLE LIFE...but at the end of the day, those average jobs never kissed me goodnight, never called me mommy and they never told me their secrets and fears. So yeah, the hard stuff hurts, the repeating themes wear me down and bum me out, but the kisses and hugs make it just a little easier to close my eyes at night so I can get up and do it all again...cuz I will do it all again at the same time every day for the same people and they are going to be there doing it all too. We are all together in this, all 5 of us...we are a family and that is all I ever wanted...Just a happy family! Sometimes I forget that even when it is right in front of me.
Once again I am faced with the prospects of what brain damage does. My sweet 9 year old Raury has always struggled in school. He comes by it honestly. For those of you who don't know he was born in August of '01 and within 24 hours or so had a grade II inter ventricular brain hemorrhage. He basically had a bleed in the space between the two hemispheres in his brain. Please keep in mind that we were NEVER given a definitive reason for his trauma. It could have been a multitude of reasons, his low birth weight, his inter uterine growth restriction, my high blood pressure and gestational diabetes...the list can go on and on. We had plenty of intervention prior to his birth. He hardly moved in there. He was quiet as a mouse. He still is to this day. He had at least one seizure that we know of, could have been more, and then after much anticipation was treated for it, put on Phenobarbital for 6 months and we were told that he may have delays but no one knows for sure what to expect.
Well, once again we are faced with a challenge that I believe is directly related to that traumatic brain injury. There is no proof of this mind you, and many would argue that his birth injury is not the cause of these issues, but as a mom, I know different. That is what mom's do. We just know. So, needless to say we waited. We had him evaluated, tested and tested again...he went into early intervention/early childhood education. He bypassed preschool, he bypassed a lot of things his peers were doing. Fast forward to 2011...
Raury is in the 4th grade. In my opinion he shouldn't be classified as a 4th grader. He is too young and too far behind his peers to ever be able to catch up. Being born in August sucks for many reasons...it's cool being summer and all, but it sucks too. I should know, I was born in August. He beat the cut off. He is a VERY young 4th grader. In classification only. He does not do 4th grade level work. He has never done grade level work. Keep in mind that he works HARD at what he does, VERY HARD. He expects a lot of himself, but he is always chasing the elusive 4th grade achievement level. He has never had homework...NEVER! He has never had to read a book and write a book report, he has never had to do a spelling test, none of the things that typical class might do in 1-4th grade. He is in our school district special ed program. It is a wonderful program full of all sorts of kids with all sorts of needs, and sweet, shy unassuming Raury is the least of any teachers worries. These special ed teachers have so many different needs and learning styles in their classes I am not surprised that we are simply maintaining from one IEP to the next.
He has been in a self contained Academic learning center type situation within our school district. He had the same teacher from 1st-3rd grade. He loved her, we loved her. She retired this year. Enter new teacher...CRISIS...All of my sweet little man's fears reach the surface and he breaks down. Where he once loved school, now he HATES it. He doesn't like his teacher, she is too different and too loud. Mrs. B was a soft spoken, gentle spirit with the patience of a saint, the new teacher is too different. To shore up his anxiety we trot off to Occupational Therapy, implement Haberman brushing, Listening therapy and most recently the ever important VISION THERAPY with tons of positive reinforcement. It is all necessary...it got him back to school and gave him his smile back, for the most part. We put him on Zoloft for his immense anxiety. That has worked so far. Status quo...or so I thought...Enter Colleen...vision therapist and teacher...sometimes it takes an outsider to notice some things...
Raury doesn't know how to sound out words..."but he reads pretty well for a kid with his delays?" Oh, no I find out, he had excellent recall and a terrific memory. He sees the word and he remembers it. He can sort of sound out a word but not really. He can read, but not to his potential, where he could be reading. He doesn't really KNOW what he is reading because he isn't really reading, he is remembering words that happen to be on a page and he is putting them together to form sentences and paragraphs but he doesn't understand what he is reading. How horrible that must be for him. No context, no framework...it must be like being trapped with people all around you trying to explain the words and stories to you but they are not going into your brain and making sense. It is just a mass of letters, words and ideas but no basic foundation.
We are now going back to the beginning...thus groundhog day...We are starting from the beginning in reading. Phonics 101...soft vowel sounds. Back to the beginning...again...really? Okay, so here we go. He's game to work with me, I am ready to make it work...Oh yeah, I have 2 other boys who need me to help them too..STRESS... I NEED CHOCOLATE...
I need to clone myself, we need a tutor for these boys. We need a therapy gym in our garage...
I never thought in a million years when I was sitting there looking at that positive pregnancy test on December 21, 2000 that I would be here, right now, desperate to find answers, to find help, to find support...to find PEACE for my boys and myself. I struggle every minute with knowing how to deal with each issue, each struggle and each new emergent delay or deficit we find. I worry about where the money will come from when we implement a new therapy or require a new test. Like say...$4000.00 per child for a neuropsychology testing, for which insurance may or may not cover and we need 2 tests. I am faced with the hard decision of staying home for the boys, who need me here for many reasons, all the time, and working to pay for our ever increasing medical and occupational therapies. I need an advanced degree just to be their mom! It would be easy to turn this around on me, make it about me, but it isn't. It is about them, our sweet, loving boys, who deserve every right to meet their potential whatever that may be. The end isn't written yet, I know that, anything could happen, but if I don't expect anything, if I have no expectations of them or myself how can we ever expect to overcome the issues we face. The truth is we have to live with expectations. Now it is just figuring out what the right level of expectation for NOW, not years from now, but immediate, attainable expectations.
Raury isn't the only one of our boys that struggles...Gable has his own set of groundhog day moments. He had developmental struggles and learning issues and I am exausted thinking about those too. It is all too much tonight.
Cat, Rats, dishes in the sink, laundry to fold, shopping lists and schedules to make...it is a daunting task each and every second...the hardest job I have EVER done in my WHOLE LIFE...but at the end of the day, those average jobs never kissed me goodnight, never called me mommy and they never told me their secrets and fears. So yeah, the hard stuff hurts, the repeating themes wear me down and bum me out, but the kisses and hugs make it just a little easier to close my eyes at night so I can get up and do it all again...cuz I will do it all again at the same time every day for the same people and they are going to be there doing it all too. We are all together in this, all 5 of us...we are a family and that is all I ever wanted...Just a happy family! Sometimes I forget that even when it is right in front of me.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
A new desire...a new direction...maybe?
So I was driving home from yet another potential therapy evaluation for Raury and I was once again reminded that I cannot do this alone. For every new therapy or treatment there are several more people added to out support team. Okay, a little back story. For those of you who don't know 2 of our boys have some special needs, and not unlike many families, we are learning how to deal as we go. For the past several years I think I have just been processing the whole notion of special needs. Now I have turned a corner. I very important corner. I think it has the potential to be the biggest, most daunting corner my life could ever take.
For the longest time I have been so caught up in the pain and loss of the term special needs kids that I haven't been able to look past it. At each appointment, evaluation or conference I felt like I was being reminded of the things I have done wrong in my life and how I have inflicted that upon my boys. How selfish of me. How idiotic of me to think that this is all about me. What have I been thinking? Not quite sure of it all yet, but I know I want to turn it into something positive.
That brings me to the NEW direction...
I am so tired of feeling like a failure and letting others actions feed into that. I am so ready to turn this "frown upside down". There has to be some way. The problem is, I haven't thought of it yet. I know I need to help provide financially for our family. My sweet, dear loving and stressed out husband needs me to help with making us float financially. The boys need a full time mom who can devote her life to the family. In this floundering country and downward cycling society there must be a way to turn my "mommy skills", the knowledge I have gained from dealing with kids like mine...kids with SPD and ADHD and turn it into a help for our society, help for our family and a emotional boost for myself.
I just turned away from this blog to reflect (and handle a Lego crisis) and I ran across a old friends note about her sweet little girl Abbie who passed into heaven just a few short months after she was born. Her birthday is coming up tomorrow and she would be 10...10...Oh my word...
There is no comparing each loss, each triumph, and struggle. There is no possible way to somehow make a math equation to make it fair or reasonable to understand. We just have to go with it. So in an effort to " go with it" I am praying, reading and searching for the answer for our family. I deeply want to find a way to be at home for our boys and support their schooling, their growth and well being. I desperately desire to share my struggles, triumphs and knowledge with other families that need support with raising healthy happy kids. I honestly do not know what that looks like. I don't have advanced degrees in medicine, psychology or Occupational therapy. I don't even have my bachelors degree. What I do have is a great capacity for learning, growing, and managing a family of boys. I have gained years of on the job training. I have learned many things about ADHD and Processing disorders. I am still learning. I want to turn that into something that could change the world...what that is I don't know. I just don't know. I do know that I want to do something and I am searching and seeking God's heart in that desire!
To be Continued....
For the longest time I have been so caught up in the pain and loss of the term special needs kids that I haven't been able to look past it. At each appointment, evaluation or conference I felt like I was being reminded of the things I have done wrong in my life and how I have inflicted that upon my boys. How selfish of me. How idiotic of me to think that this is all about me. What have I been thinking? Not quite sure of it all yet, but I know I want to turn it into something positive.
That brings me to the NEW direction...
I am so tired of feeling like a failure and letting others actions feed into that. I am so ready to turn this "frown upside down". There has to be some way. The problem is, I haven't thought of it yet. I know I need to help provide financially for our family. My sweet, dear loving and stressed out husband needs me to help with making us float financially. The boys need a full time mom who can devote her life to the family. In this floundering country and downward cycling society there must be a way to turn my "mommy skills", the knowledge I have gained from dealing with kids like mine...kids with SPD and ADHD and turn it into a help for our society, help for our family and a emotional boost for myself.
I just turned away from this blog to reflect (and handle a Lego crisis) and I ran across a old friends note about her sweet little girl Abbie who passed into heaven just a few short months after she was born. Her birthday is coming up tomorrow and she would be 10...10...Oh my word...
There is no comparing each loss, each triumph, and struggle. There is no possible way to somehow make a math equation to make it fair or reasonable to understand. We just have to go with it. So in an effort to " go with it" I am praying, reading and searching for the answer for our family. I deeply want to find a way to be at home for our boys and support their schooling, their growth and well being. I desperately desire to share my struggles, triumphs and knowledge with other families that need support with raising healthy happy kids. I honestly do not know what that looks like. I don't have advanced degrees in medicine, psychology or Occupational therapy. I don't even have my bachelors degree. What I do have is a great capacity for learning, growing, and managing a family of boys. I have gained years of on the job training. I have learned many things about ADHD and Processing disorders. I am still learning. I want to turn that into something that could change the world...what that is I don't know. I just don't know. I do know that I want to do something and I am searching and seeking God's heart in that desire!
To be Continued....
Thursday, August 26, 2010
So sorry everyone
I know that not too many read this blog but I have to tell you all sorry for not posting for sooooo long. It has been a busy summer for me and with all three boys home I find myself relishing the quiet in the evening and really not wanting to "talk" with anyone. Everyone is good here. I saw my endocronolgist last week and he had me do a REE test. Basically it tests my metabolism. They are able to tell how many calories my body burns without added excersise. I burn 1340 calories a day just being a blob...so I need to intake anywhere from about 950 to 11oo calories to loose weight quickly. I am really slowing down in the weigh loss so I am also taking L-Carnatine and Green Tea extract. All perscribed by Dr Raum. Still need to take in about 80 g of protein a day, that is getting hard. In summer I don't want to eat until I am cooled off in the evening. Makes for a bad combo. So anyway, that is the skinny on everything right now. I will post more later this weekend. Until then...TTFN!!!! Nighty night all!!!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
A yummy treat for anyone
Okay all, I know it has been a very long time since my last post. I have been hard at work cleaning and creating. So, I wanted to quickly share my newest recipe that I came up with today. I love coffee, well, good coffee. I cannot stand bad tasting, watered down brown water that people pass off as coffee. So needless to say I don't go to that 'bucks place or anywhere else anymore, I save the money and make my own. That way I know what is going in and that makes it more WLS friendly.
Sooo, since I love coffee so much I have decided to try and make WLS friendly biscotti. I love ones that aren't too sweet and have yummy surprises inside. I have made Pistashio, Cranberry Almond, and today...drum roll please...my fav of all time so far, Mango Tango Almond Biscotti. Before you worry about me, I am sure to make these to be Sugar Free (accept for the fruits I add). So, ya wanna try the recipe...here it is...
Mango Tango Almond Biscotti
1/4 + 2 Tbls Egg Beaters
1 cup Splenda
1 tsp Almond Extract
1 tsp Vanilla Extract
3 Tbls Melted Butter
2 cups Almond Meal/Flour (I use Trader Joes)
3/4 cup all purpose unbleached flour
1 1/2 tsp Baking SODA
Couple pinches of Salt
1/2 cup slivered almonds
4-5 rehydrated Dried Mango Slices Chopped up finely (I use Trader Joes)
1/4 tsp fresh frozen grated Ginger( it's easier to microplane that way)
5 pieces of finely chopped Candied Ginger( once again I use Trader Joes)
Preheat your oven to 325 degrees. Line a pan with parchment paper and cut a second piece and put it on your cutting board. You will turn the biscotti dough out onto it once mixed.
Use a good mixer and whip up those egg beaters till they have a little air in them. Then add Splenda, Vanilla extract, Almond Extract, butter and mix until blended well. Now add the finely chopped up rehydrated mango slices. This adds a bit more moisture and some fiberous texture that holds them together very nicely.
In a separate bowl mix together lightly the almond flour/meal, flour, baking soda and salt. Blend it until it is well mixed. Slowly add the dry into the wet mixture until it is well combined. I add a little at a time to be sure. It will be a very sticky dough. Then quickly add the fresh frozen ginger and pulse one more time to combine. Turn out all the dough onto a large piece of parchment paper for needing.
Combine the chopped up candied ginger and almonds. Knead in 1/2 the mixture, using the parchment to cover the dough as you roll and fold it over a couple of times, repeat with the rest of the ginger and almonds. Try not to overwork the dough, it makes them tough. Divide the dough in half on the parchment, roll them into 2 logs (approx. 2 inches wide and 8-9 inches long) Use your judgement.
Transfer the logs onto the pan with the parchment on it. Don't skip this, otherwise they will come out too dark. Bake them for approx 35 min. They will be firm to the touch and a bit golden color.
Let them cool for a few minutes. You should be able to touch them easily ( I say about 10 min).
You need a serrated bread knife ( don't try another kind, you will be sorry), very carefully and slightly saw back and forth over the biscotti in about 1/2 inch intervals until though the cookie. Arrange them back onto the parchment covered pan and pop them back in the oven for approx 12-14 min., flip them over, and cook for another 5-7 minutes depending on the color you want them to be.
Let them cool completely and then put them in an air tight container. You won't be able to keep them around long. If you like a little sweet and spicy this is right up your alley.
They are approx 100 cal per cookie, 5 g carbs and 1 g protein
( all this depends on how much you like to add to the mix)
Gonna go eat one now! Caio all!!!
Sooo, since I love coffee so much I have decided to try and make WLS friendly biscotti. I love ones that aren't too sweet and have yummy surprises inside. I have made Pistashio, Cranberry Almond, and today...drum roll please...my fav of all time so far, Mango Tango Almond Biscotti. Before you worry about me, I am sure to make these to be Sugar Free (accept for the fruits I add). So, ya wanna try the recipe...here it is...
Mango Tango Almond Biscotti
1/4 + 2 Tbls Egg Beaters
1 cup Splenda
1 tsp Almond Extract
1 tsp Vanilla Extract
3 Tbls Melted Butter
2 cups Almond Meal/Flour (I use Trader Joes)
3/4 cup all purpose unbleached flour
1 1/2 tsp Baking SODA
Couple pinches of Salt
1/2 cup slivered almonds
4-5 rehydrated Dried Mango Slices Chopped up finely (I use Trader Joes)
1/4 tsp fresh frozen grated Ginger( it's easier to microplane that way)
5 pieces of finely chopped Candied Ginger( once again I use Trader Joes)
Preheat your oven to 325 degrees. Line a pan with parchment paper and cut a second piece and put it on your cutting board. You will turn the biscotti dough out onto it once mixed.
Use a good mixer and whip up those egg beaters till they have a little air in them. Then add Splenda, Vanilla extract, Almond Extract, butter and mix until blended well. Now add the finely chopped up rehydrated mango slices. This adds a bit more moisture and some fiberous texture that holds them together very nicely.
In a separate bowl mix together lightly the almond flour/meal, flour, baking soda and salt. Blend it until it is well mixed. Slowly add the dry into the wet mixture until it is well combined. I add a little at a time to be sure. It will be a very sticky dough. Then quickly add the fresh frozen ginger and pulse one more time to combine. Turn out all the dough onto a large piece of parchment paper for needing.
Combine the chopped up candied ginger and almonds. Knead in 1/2 the mixture, using the parchment to cover the dough as you roll and fold it over a couple of times, repeat with the rest of the ginger and almonds. Try not to overwork the dough, it makes them tough. Divide the dough in half on the parchment, roll them into 2 logs (approx. 2 inches wide and 8-9 inches long) Use your judgement.
Transfer the logs onto the pan with the parchment on it. Don't skip this, otherwise they will come out too dark. Bake them for approx 35 min. They will be firm to the touch and a bit golden color.
Let them cool for a few minutes. You should be able to touch them easily ( I say about 10 min).
You need a serrated bread knife ( don't try another kind, you will be sorry), very carefully and slightly saw back and forth over the biscotti in about 1/2 inch intervals until though the cookie. Arrange them back onto the parchment covered pan and pop them back in the oven for approx 12-14 min., flip them over, and cook for another 5-7 minutes depending on the color you want them to be.
Let them cool completely and then put them in an air tight container. You won't be able to keep them around long. If you like a little sweet and spicy this is right up your alley.
They are approx 100 cal per cookie, 5 g carbs and 1 g protein
( all this depends on how much you like to add to the mix)
Gonna go eat one now! Caio all!!!
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