Introducing Pandora...

I cannot decide what to call her...you know that other ego inside me. My pouch...my new stomach, whatever you want to call her. She really should be named Pandora, I am sure you get the reference. She is always reminding me she is ever present. She is a new and strange part of me that I have not learned how to fully integrate into my life yet. It has only been 3 1/2 months since she was created, so we are still trying to figure out how we fit together.
It is not an easy road, this weight loss surgery lifestyle. For those who say it is the easy way out, shame on you. How would you know? It really has changed me...for the better, I think. You would have to ask someone qualified to answer that correctly...probably my therapist. Yes, Pandora and I visit with a therapist. She tends to be quiet and let me share, but every once and a while, I feel her presence.
I am glad she was created just for me, don't get me wrong, but she is hard to handle. She often does not want to play nicely with the rest of my parts. You see, I traded one helper for another...let me explain.
Pandora was created out of a need to get rid of a very close friend. That friend was an enmeshed relationship I had with food. A devil for many of us...an addiction for some. For me, looking back, it was an addiction. It started when I was in middle school. Truely, the details of why are not important at all, the choices I made that resulting in the addiction are the focus here. (Please keep in mind that these are new revelations, and I am sure my opinion on events will vary from time to time as work though them.)
Like most young teens I wanted to be liked, loved...I was missing that connection with the men in my life, you get my drift. I was lookin' for it in all the wrong places, but I knew what I wanted. I just didn't know how to get it. My friends were confident or appeared to be, we all have issues don't we, but I wanted more. I am a deep feeler, thinker, yes, I am driven by intense emotion!!! I wasn't getting the connections where I wanted them, so my mind sent me to an easy fix...food. It started with little things, and by the time I had graduated from high school and entered college, I was hooked. I was IN LOVE with food. I loved the way it tasted, felt and most importantly, how it made me feel. Anything to fill that place where love was missing. I tried to fill it with "real" love, but I scared it away because the need was so intense. I think a lot of women are prone to this behavior. Don't get me wrong here, I had "love" in my life, but not the kind I needed. The kind tailor made to fit me. For those of you who know I am a Christian, you're thinkin' "hugh, what about the love God gives you, that God shaped vacuum he fills when you accept his gift of love and grace?". Well, don't get me started on that one...just suffice it to say that He does fill that hole and then some, but he also gave us people to point us in His direction and people tend to fail miserably when it comes to being selfless!!!!!

So fast forward to recently...thinking I needed to change my life I look into creating Pandora. WLS requires a lot of prep. I meet with a psychologist. He sees the addiction or the pain or something. Says I need therapy. Crushed, I go home and find my friend food. I fall even more deeply in love with it. I use the excuse that I am a "foodie". I love the textures and the tastes, but if you would have watched me cook or eat, you would see that I ATE IT UP! What I was waiting for was the high after consumption. It came, and faded, emotionally speaking. Can you say ADDICTION? So, the logical conclusion after the failed first attempt to have WLS was give up? I did for a while, wallowing in self pity and insecurity, driving my husband and children to then end of their rope. WAKE UP CALL!!!! My kids have special needs, my husband has man needs, I am a mess!!!! Help!!!! Help me...and God brought Leslie! A wonderfully gifted behavior psychologist who was gentle with me. And so, about two years later, Pandora is created. She is right inside me, all the time, a beautiful 2 oz creation who has forced me to look at myself, all of me. She has become one of my best friends, not the only one, but one of the most important in my life. She not only girgles with glee(really it's just air), she also makes me sick when I try and overdue it with my old addictive friend food. Pandora is saving my life one day at a time.
She has to eat, just like anyone, but she is the strong one. She knows when to stop. She is training me! She is giving me my life back one pound at a time. She makes me work for it...she scares me when I test her. She opens a can of whooop ass on me when I forget about her. She will not be ignored. Frankly, I am glad for that.
So in answer to the questions and the comments, it is NOT the easy way out. It's been the long way around. The hard work is just beginning, and Pandora is kickin' my butt all over the place. I am 40, Pandora is 3 1/2 months old, but age doesn't mean diddly poo here.
Pandora's creator, Dr Patterson is brilliant. All business and one of the best Weight loss surgeons around. Her staff, the nurses and other doctors, that nurse who held my hand when I was scared in the OR,they all made the beginning parts easy and comfortable. I owe them a debt of gratitude.
Now the work begins. Pandora and I are learning to get along, learning to be best friends. She's the warrior princess here...I am just the apprentice right now. However, someday soon I hope to be an equal with her. Until then I let her guide my choices when it comes to food...I try new things every day, but I always give her what she loves...here is what she wanted today! Good thing I love it too!!!!

Black Forest Protein Coffee
4 oz good hot brewed coffee ( I love Stumptown...local roaster)
1/2 oz Sugar Free Black Cherry Torani Syrup
1 scoop Isopure Dutch Chocolate Cake Protein Powder
Fat Free Coffee Mate Creamer to taste
Brew Coffee and add to cup with SF syrup. Mix protein powder with 1/2 cup water till dissolved. Add creamer and warm in microwave to your desired temperature. Enjoy!!!!

Warm up to desired temp but DO NOT BOIL!!!!!